You Don't Know Unless You Go (or, Sometimes You Get Lucky): Be Surf

I actually love small days. Clean, 1-3 feet days are truly my favorite conditions. I love a big day, I love to push it just a bit—toe the line—but I really really love small days.

The forecast suggested going later in the day today was the thing to do but I got overcome with excitement and couldn’t not go this morning. Ten minutes later, I found myself driving north, Billie Eilish on Spotify. My wetsuit was still wet as were my booties because we haven’t set up “the most amazing Christmas present in the entire Universe” that Nick made for me (a mits/booties/Wet Sox custom-made rack *he made it*), and I knew it would be cold but I didn’t care!

I got so excited passing Stage Neck—if you peek down, you can size up the waves, and we had lines. I knew it would be small and clean—and likely very quiet given these are conditions a lot of people won’t get out of bed for.

I parked, suited up, ran to the shore, where a little grom was paddling over to the spot I was running towards. It was glassy and super low wind when I got there but within a half hour or so, the wind picked up. We still had waves rockin’ through but two hours in, they were starting to crumble with the high wind. Freezing and losing mobility in my feet and hands, I got out a couple hours in but was stoked because the wind was strong all day long, even through when it was supposed to drop off. I was so happy I had gone out in the AM, so happy the Wave Jiminy Cricket had whispered in my ear, filled me with stoke and sent me up north.

You can (and I do) look at surf reports all day but to really know you just have to go, and sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes the forecast is off and so whatever lightning struck you to go early or later, was some sort of magical divining rod giving you the intergalactic cosmic wave report. And the apps love to say 1-2 feet but there are always bigger sets that roll through if you’re patient and willing. Happy happy day.

Waves are the Recipe: Be Surf

I can feel it on a cellular level when I need the ocean.

“Salt water heals,” my buddy Ollie said this summer. Age nine, budding surfer, she gets it.

I met Maddie at the beach today. She was soaking up as much heat as possible in the car, having been out for hours already. “It’s more fun than it looks,” she said. “Promise.”

And it was. 1-2 feet with random sets skewing on the 2+ sets and just plain CLEAN. No wind, sun was out in full force for the most part, and very few people out.

We started near Rest’s but the current sneakily pulled us north until we were nearly on top of B.H. It was ok. It was good.

The water. It really feels like the Source for me. It IS the source for me. It wipes everything clean, it refills the well, it does all the things that water does so well.

My mind is constantly whirring, like so many people’s, but when you’re surfing, even on a small day, you’re just looking at the waves, assessing, wondering “Will it go?”, wondering “Am I too far in?” wondering “Is this going to toss me?” These visceral in the moment thoughts crowd out those Dark Wolf thoughts that love to roam and lope and tear things up.

Waves are the recipe. Waves force you to be in the present. So all those questions, and then the paddle, and then you’re up and all you’re doing is riding the face and trying to throw something maybe, or just trying to wedge in and chill, and then some sort of energy geyser erupts and you’re just thinking “Weeeeeeeee!” Suddenly Dark Wolf is gone and you’re free.

Trust your Gut: Be Surf

I woke up on Monday and hemmed and hawed about getting up to the beach but I knew based on the forecast and life it was the best day to go for the next week—offshore, low wind, not terribly cold. I figured if I just started putting on my wet suit though, I would inevitably find myself driving north. That worked (though if I hadn’t had it on when I went up to say bye to Nick, it would have been game over. He’d put the pink salt lamp and the fireplace space heater on and it was the coziest little walnut of a bedroom ever. It was a matter of fierce will not to forgo the whole plan!).

I looked out the window before I left and realized how foggy it was over the water.

Hmm I thought.

My hope was that it would somehow magically dissipate or somehow magically not be there when I hit the beach, but the highway was foggy and as I pulled onto 1A, I saw I couldn’t even see the water from the road. When I reached the beach, I couldn’t believe how socked in it was. I pulled up just north of Rest’s. and I could literally not see the waves. I could only see the water from them crashing to the shore.

Ergh, I thought. I’ll just walk down.

It was spooky as hell, white all around, like King’s The Mist. I walked to the edge of the water and strapped my leash on. I’d never felt so unsure about paddling out. There was Fear and Doubt and a feeling that it wasn’t a good idea.

I’ll just try for one or two, I thought. I paddled out and was completely unsettled. I could barely see my car and the houses on the shore—they were obscured by the thick white gauze of the fog. What complicated matters was I was fairly certain I wasn’t close to the rocks by Rest’s but it was so foggy I couldn’t even see boils on the water if I was close to rocks.

I nabbed two and went in. I definitely found my edge and it just seemed stupid to be out there alone when people couldn’t even see me. If I’d been with Maddie or Steph or someone, I might have felt a little better but I felt invisible and alone and blind.

I stood on the beach as the sun rose higher thinking Am I just being a scaredy cat? but your primitive body speaks to you in ancient wise tongues and I feel it’s important to listen. So I jumped in the car and headed home.