An Introvert's Thoughts on Reclaiming your Energy, Protecting your Boundaries

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The past two weeks (or maybe last 15 years?), I’ve struggled with stress from my day job. Everyone does, that’s not unique. But in the past two weeks, an epiphany has bubbled to the surface—one that’s been there for a long time, like a time capsule in the garden waiting to be unearthed. That epiphany is that I’ve given all my energy to my day job, and have had nothing left at the end of the day for myself, friends or family.

Time with other humans takes my energy, rather than fills it. And so, endless meetings and Zoom calls for 8 hours straight effectively drain my battery. The occasional lunch run or yoga throughout the day might stabilize it all a bit but nothing can counteract the frantic meetings and what feels like general hysteria most days.

When I finally made the connection that a longtime stomach issue might be rooted in this phenomenon, in this stress, when I saw what this energy game was doing to me, I made a commitment: No more.

But how?

I talked with my boyfriend, and a couple girlfriends, and came up with this list of things I would do and truths I would accept:

Do:

I would operate on Done over Perfect.

I would set boundaries.

I would consider if things were reversible and if they were, not worry so much about them.

I would build simple processes, and follow them, rather than continue to whack tasks at random like a thousand rushing tennis balls flying at me.

I would: reread my company handbook, reread my job description and I would root into the fact that I’m paid for completing defined activites within an 8 hour day. In other words, if I was feeling like Atlas, I could take it down a notch.

I would reach out for help to my director rather than suffer silently.

I would consider talking to a therapist.

I would rethink my strategy for my writing. Rather than just recreating the hectic nature that my day job requires, I would make my writing my sanctuary (limited social media, scale back my millions of projects I have in the works).

Truths:

I am not my job.

Yesterday was Day 1 of Energy Preservation at work. I tried to check my email every half hour, and my instant messages every 15 rather than my other two settings which were never or constantly. I said no to a meeting I didn’t need to be at, not because I had a conflicting meeting, but because I had a conflicting block of focused time that I needed to use to get my work done. I told my manager “I’m overwhelmed and doing what I can to adjust to this cadence, but I’m struggling” and I asked for help. I ended the day with a million things to do, and forced myself to make peace with it. I allowed myself to go for a run at lunch. I allowed that the person being difficult at work was also fighting a tough battle, and felt compassion. I made imperfect, decisive decisions and operated on Done > Perfect, then I scribed some meeting notes that were not perfect but I sent them out, knowing I could adjust if there were inaccuracies.

And I found that at the end of the day, I was at ease. I had more energy in my tank than I’ve ever had at the end of the day of any day job I’ve had over the past 15 years. I was able to go for the second run I wanted to go on, I was able to write in my journal and I was able to approach messaging with friends with gratitude rather than with a haunted sort of feel. When my dad texted me about making sure I got outside to see the super moon I didn’t think, OMG I’M TOO TIRED TO GO OUTSIDE AND SEE THIS BEAUTIFUL ACT OF NATURE. Instead, as I drove over the Sarah Long bridge and the white holy disc loomed in the blue and purple sky I thought, Thanks, Dad.

In other words, I had the time, space and energy for real life.

It’s Day 2 as I’m writing this, and I’m sure I’ll mess up a million times, but I’m committed to preserving my energy for the important things in life—my health, my loved ones/friends/family, my writing, planning trips. And it feels good.

References

Protect your energy: https://strongsensitivesouls.com/protect-your-energy/

NY Times article on languishing: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html?referringSource=articleShare&fbclid=IwAR06cpy_yymjvqOwKezfJDkLRU6KTexJq1rTZdmeOP_ijnHiWActuv-ICcA

For giggles: Energy Vampire - What We Do in Shadows: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u_xSilxHFns