This post is the second in my series of short essays “Be Surf with Baby: Essays on Surfing and Motherhood”.

You just have to go.

At 5:30am in February, when it’s dark and cold in Maine, and I know in a half hour our daughter will wake up and snuggle in our bed for morning cartoons, it can be hard to go. Hard to get out of pj’s, heave my longboard into the car, coughing as the cold air hits my lungs, and drive to the beach.

I would be remiss if I didn’t say this:

Having the option to go at all is a gift and something not everyone has: I’m incredibly lucky to have a partner who supports my activities. Note: The reverse is also true—the answer is a hearty yes to whatever independent activity Nick wants to do. The trope of the ball and chain stops here.

Before our daughter arrived, Nick and I talked at length about needing to make sure we could still do the activities that give us joy: running, surfing, skiing. My most athletic friend told me straight: Be selfish with your work out time. Don’t think twice. In the book How to Not Hate your Husband after Kids, journalist Jancee Dunn writes of the concept of giving time to your partner abundantly and often. I recall a post by Laird Hamilton I’m sure I’ll bastardize where he was talking simply about how he and his wife Gabrielle Reece make their relationship (married since 1997). It was something along the lines of – she goes to get happy, and I go to get happy, and then we come back together.

Sow the garden.

So if you are fortunate enough to have the means: You have to go. You have to go do the thing that fills your soul, makes you whole and reminds you of who you are. Surfing buoys you and refills the well and rebuilds you where you cracked since the last time.

Going is so hard—I can’t stress it enough. The image of my squishy giggling love curled up in bed, asking for a cookie in the morning and occasionally letting me hold her hand—well, I can’t think about it too much at 5:30am when I’m dashing around grabbing my boots, mitts, Wet sox, coffee, etc etc etc. It would stop me in my tracks.

But go, go, go.

You must to reclaim your youness amidst the cormorants, and the hopping fish, the lobster traps, the rushing lines of water and the rising scattered light. Creating that space has the beautiful side effect of forever making me more grateful when I get to see my little bean later.

Attributions:

Banner image: Happy Mama by Sara Dyer

Gold Glitter Shining Stars – by anes-design

White smoke, clouds by bebuntoon

Surf girl by lenanikolaeva

Sun Rays by Vizele

Watercolor Pink Balloon by b.illustrations